For that nineteen year old....
I haven’t really ever done something extreme for any of my crushes. I was one of the most bashful girls in schools and college. In school I would not even dare to look at them and make excuses to be at least a hundred miles away from them. In college, I wasn’t any better. There was green-eyed hottie that I had my eyes right from the first day (even had multiple discussions with many girl friends whether he wore contact lenses or it was real eye color) but I never had the courage to say hi to him.
Later it turned out that he was friends with one other friend of mine, who obviously guessed from my weird attitude around him that I had a huge crush on him. In a time when a girl would walk up to a guy and flutter her eyelashes till he asked her out, I would stammer and simper when he came close. She, being a nice girl, volunteered to introduce us. I pretended that I didn’t care a damn for him and feigned ignorance. This lasted for a couple of months.
Then one day during our trip to a close by gift shop, my green-eyes gorgeous crush walked into the shop almost directly towards me like a knight in shining armor. My friend was on the other side of the shop then so I assumed he will just go up to her. But no, there was something wrong. He actually kept walking. My heart was pounding faster than a rice mill. He came so close that I could see the entire world twirling around me. There were so many thoughts in my head that I couldn’t hear even one. I should stay and say hi. I should recognize him and pretend we’re best friends forever. I should run so fast that he doesn’t know what happened.
At the moment when he was right next to him and just about to open his mouth to say something, my courage gave up. I turned around like I never saw him. Then I coolly walked right past him, completely ignoring his existence. I could see him turning around to look at me. But I just walked out of the shop and didn’t stop walking till I came back to my senses.
I haven’t stopped regretting that day ever since.
It is not that I was serious about him. Or wanted a relationship. Or was dying in his love. Just my act of chilliness and cowardice, especially in this matter of the heart really disappoints me. So I have decided that if on this Valentine’s day I get an opportunity to propose to this long lost crush of mine, I will keep it simple, straight and full of courage and zest. When I see him walking towards me, I will smile in my usual way. Even if he was opening his mouth just to ask where my friend was, or to tell me that I am a silly girl who keeps staring at him, I will smile and take it in my stride. I will tell him I think his eyes are very cute and I have a soft stop for colored eyes.
Then I will tell him that I would like it he would go out with me for a coffee.
I am sure he will smile right back and the day will be perfect.
(Well, I didn’t do anything very bold for who I am now. But that nineteen year old many years back? This is the boldest thing she could have done. And I am sure will be very proud of me today. :)
How bold are you willing to get for the sake of love on the Valentine’s day? Find more on Cupid Games!)